”OUT OF ORDER”
The lift in the library is out of order today. Not that it was a nasty climb up to the top floor where my favourite seat is, but the ”OUT OF ORDER” sign just didn’t look like a good start to a sunny (but freezing) Tuesday morning.
”OUT OF ORDER” – the sign that irks almost all of us. The faithful lift is out of order, the only clean toilet available in the building is out of order, the escalator which takes us from one floor to another without being confined in a small box is out of order and the much needed public telephone on the side of the road is out of order just when our trusty mobile phone runs out of battery and we have an emergency call to make.
Why can’t the University or School or Office be ”OUT OF ORDER” for one day?
Morbid Monday – Are you afraid of death?
I was talking over the phone with a friend yesterday afternoon and the morbid topic of death came up. She asked me whether I’m afraid of death. Am I?
I’m not. I’m not afraid of death befalling me because my faith tells me that when I leave this world, I will be in Heaven with my Father forever and ever. There will be endless hapiness and endless peace in Heaven. No more troubles, no more wars and no more fighting.
But my friend said that she is afraid of death because she has so many things she has not done in this world yet; so many unfulfilled dreams, so many unseen places and untouched faces.
Tbere may be a million and one things left to do but after that million and one things are done, won’t there be a million and one more to do? It will be a never ending cycle!
Last week I suggested to Vinz that we should look for an elixir of life, a pill that once taken will ensure that we live forever and ever. And he answered…
”Crazy ahh…live so long for what? Live long means must work and work and work non-stop you know. Don’t you want a break?”
Then he added…
”Die already can be with God in Heaven mahh…”
And that was so comforting to hear. God is waiting for us in Heaven. He will welcome us with warm and loving arms. We will be reunited again with our Maker and it is so comforting to know that whatever happens, our Father will always be there for us.
So…I’m not afraid of death. Are you?
P.S. I’m very blessed to have a boyfriend who shares the same faith as me. At least I know we won’t argue because of the difference in our faiths 
I take 30, he takes 5. What about you?
Its Thursday today. Another day before the weekend officially begins. Weekends are spent usually in the company of friends for me and Vinz. Company of friends meaning company of his friends. Since I have moved on to another level of education and to another campus, I have lost a big bulk of my undergraduate friends. Almost everyone I know in my class has either gone home or moved on to another university, another town, another country. I do have some friends from my current class but we are not so close. Its funny that the older I get, the harder it is to make close friends.
Anyway…back to the topic of weekends. Our weekend starts on Friday night. We usually go out for a meal with some friends in the city. We like to try different foods. The last time we had Turkish. But most of the time, we are conventional. Its either Thai or Chinese. After dinner, depending on the crowd that we go out with, we will either go to the bar to have some drinks or adjourn back to a friend’s house for a few rounds of blackjack and poker. Friday night will end with me and Vinz relaxing on our bed watching a movie till I fall asleep on his shoulder.
Saturdays are spent walking around the city, doing a bit of shopping and eating our weekend food – McD! I don’t know why we keep going for McD on Saturdays but we really look forward to it. Dinner is usually at home with a bottle of wine and freshly cooked steak. We then watch a movie or two before adjourning to the bed..hehehe… 
You see…I have written about how we spend our weekends. What we do outside and inside our home. But I have not written about how long we spend in getting ready to go out.
I need at least 30 minutes to get myself looking presentable. Vinz will usually be sitting in front of his computer while I moisturise, apply powder, put on some eye shadow, mascara, blusher and lipstick. Before that I will rummage through my cupboard to choose what to wear for that day. I usually take out a few pieces before finally choosing one. Actually, its before Vinz chooses one for me. Then I will need to decide what shoes to wear and which handbag to carry. After I am done, only then can we go out.
How long does it take you to get ready? What do you do during the weekends?
Valentine’s Day and Food Poisoning
Valentine’s Day was spent romantically at home with the one I love. I bought some rose petal shaped confetti from London and a packet of heart shaped chocolates from Marks & Spencer. I laid the chocolates one by one from our front door leading to our bedroom and threw some confetti over our heart shaped duvet cover. When Vinz came home from work and saw the trail of hearts, he was so so surprised! He texted me and told me that it was such a pleasant and romantic surprise as I was still in class.
I came home at 6pm and he told me to follow the trail of hearts too. There sitting on our bed was a beautiful vase of pink roses and a Valentine’s Day card…..
We had steak for dinner. We usually cook our own, with our special recipe for the sauce. It always turns out just nice, not too bloody but not too cooked either. We had some red wine which was rather pricey but well worth our money because it was really good. After that we retired for the night in our cosy bed…holding hands to sleep and whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ear…..
The weekend following V day, Vinz was attacked with a bout of food poisoning. Poor him. The first night was hellish. He kept tossing and turning and kept saying that he is feeling very uncomfortable. I couldn’t do anything to help ease his suffering. All I could say was go shit and puke it all out and you will feel better. But he didn’t want to throw up although he felt like it the whole night. The next morning, he could control it no longer and threw up. He had dots of cold sweat on his forehead and collapsed on the bed right after that. I told him not to go to work but he insisted. He came home during lunch feeling worse as ever. I quickly ran to Boots to get some medication for him and went to the convenience store nearby to get some cream crackers and some tea. He felt better the next day but was still very weak and manja. So I obliged in manja’ing him, afterall he manja’ed me when I was sick the week before. He is much better now but still does the occasional…
”Babyyy…come here…sayang me…”
It is not easy looking after a sick man. Sick men are harder to care for than sick women. They crave attention, they blow up every little pain they feel and just want us women to stroke their forehead and tell them that everything is ok…
But…when Vinz was really feeling terrible and I couldn’t do anything to ease his pain, I prayed to God. I prayed that Vinz’s pain is transferred to me. I rather feel the pain and the suffering than see him suffer like that. It really hurt me so much to see him tossing and turning, throwing up and telling me that his tummy hurts. All I wanted to do was to take that pain from him and take it all for myself.
Thank God he is much better now. After a few days of porridge eating and tea drinking, he has got back some of his strength and appetite.
Yesterday was our one year anniversary but we couldn’t celebrate much as he was still not in tip top condition. But we cooked the same food we had one year ago–Chicken rice. Heheh…It brought back so many fond memories. We exchanged promises before we went to bed and his was…
”I promise I will love you forever…and I promise there will be many many anniversaries to come..”
My First Job Interview
So many things happend between Chinese New Year and now. There was the begining of the second semester, my one week absence from school due a bout of high fever, 2 job interviews in London, there was of course Valentine’s day and now, poor Vinz is suffering from a bout of food poisoning.
CNY came as quickly as it went. I probably tired myself out making endless batches of pineapple tarts and peanut cookies for Vinz to savour and for the small CNY party we had at a friend’s place. The day school began after a one and half month closure due to the Xmas break and the exams, I fell ill. I fell really ill. I never felt so sick in my entire life before. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t sit up to eat my Paracetamols and cough mixtures. I couldn’t speak. I was irritable. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t stand, what more stand under the shower for 20 minutes cleaning myself inside out. There were many times when I tried to do so but collapsed in the bathtub fully naked with hot water running down my body. Thankfully I had the door unlocked and Vinz came to my rescue. I had to sit on the toilet seat cover while brushing my teeth and there were many times when I just said…
“Heck my teeth. I need to lie down. They can rot for all I care.”
I had to drag myself to the doctor on the 3rd day my fever wouldn’t go down after constant Paracetamol popping. I called for a cab (Vinz was at work and couldn’t take leave) and took 5 minutes to walk down 10 steps down the stairs. It was that bad I tell you. I expected the doctor to presribe something really powerful or something just to ease my endless suffering. But all she said was alternate between Paracetamol and Ibuprofen taking and I will be fine in a couple of days to a week. A week? I can’t afford a week! I have classes to attend !!
So I kept the pill popping. I was sweating in the middle of the night but I was shivering as well. I sprouted a bunch of nonsensical words in my sleep which Vinz couldn’t even make out (cos he normally is able to understand my sleep talk). After exactly one week after a 38-39 degree C fever, it finally went away. I was so close to going to the emergency ward at the University hospital nearby. But I chickened out everytime the thought crossed my mind. I am afraid of jabs. Very afraid in fact that I would rather suffer in bed than have a needle being poked into my skin.
I managed to make it for my job interviews the following Friday in London and boy I must say that it was really an eye opener!
I’ve never ever been on a job interview before. The internship that I had back in JB was arranged by my dad and all I had to do was turn up on a certain Monday morning, introduce myself, get my own work station and that was it.
My interviews were with HSBC Malaysia and British American Tobacco (BAT) Malaysia. They found me via a corporate head hunter i.e. via the Global Careers Company which organises various career related events in Asia, Africa and Russia. Before I went for both the interviews, I already had in mine which job would suit me best. I never liked a banking job and I don’t think I ever will unless the bank in Malaysia opens up a Corporate Responsibility/Ethical Banking department. The BAT job suited me just fine as it has a very large Corporate and Regulatory Affairs department without which the whole company will fail. My dad also discouraged me pursuing a job in the bank unless I can make full use of my expertise in CSR and Corporate Governance issues.
The interview with BAT was more of a one-on-one get to know you session. They did ask me a few technical questions just to test my knowledge of CSR and the law. But most of the questions focussed on whether I would be comfortable working for a tobacco company, why did I choose to study law, how many siblings I have (?) and what are my interests. Hopefully I will be called for an online test in a couple of weeks. Well, they did promise that I would be given the chance to do the test though. So I will just have to wait. If I do pass it, I will need to attend an assessment centre in Malaysia once I am home. They told me to contact them the moment I am ready for it and they will arrange one as soon as they can. After that, there will be a one to one interview with the Head of Function and then a job offer will be made presuming that I pass all the stages. I really am looking forward to a career with BAT. Yah…they may be a tobacco company and yah, they produce products which reduces the life span of millions of people, but I believe that a job is a job. Someone has to do it. And I am the willing one.
The HSBC interview on the other hand was much more formal. I am glad that I attended it because if BAT was the only interview I attended, I would probably think that all interviews will be as informal as theirs. I was interviewed by two people, one of which is a Caucasian and the other a Malaysian Chinese who happend to be an acquintance of my father. They asked me many tough questions and I had to lie through my teeth when answering a few of them. They asked if I would be comfortable selling unit trusts and promoting the bank’s products to customers. They asked if I would give up a UK job offer to work in Malaysia. They asked what is my biggest disappointment, am I a self starter, what made me choose Law, why CSR, what is my stand on Ethical Banking, what am I do to if I am faced with a difficult customer, do I know what the Personal Financial Services department really does, which position of responsibility did I learn the most from and I was to give examples for each and every answer that I gave. Tough tough. It was like a grilling session. I was on the hot seat and I had to answer them within a given time limit.
At the end, they did not give me the job. My qualification failed me. Well, it didn’t fail me per se, it failed the bank. They wanted someone only with an undergraduate qualification and I was over qualified for a job which requires me to promote the bank’s products. All these feedback I got via my father who got a phone call from the chinese guy who interviewed me. Funny eh. Shouldn’t I be the one getting first hand feedback?
Oh dear…I just realised that my post is getting a little bit too long winded. I shall stop here for the time being and update on V’day and Vinz’s food poisoning soon.
See ya folks !
New Year, New Luck
Its Chinese New Year in a couple of days. Ahhh…when I think back of CNY past…so many fond memories fill my head. This is the 4th CNY I’m away from home, 4th CNY not having the luxury to enjoy this festive occasion with the family and 4th CNY not being able to have the thrill of feeling red packets i.e. trying to guess if the contents is orange, green or dark green or maybe purple or just dark blue?
After so many years abroad, CNY still is significant to me. It is the time of the year where everyone gets together for a meal, to recap on old times and to usher in the new. Since we don’t have our family here, our friends have become our family. We still try to keep the tradition alive. We visit each other, eat cookies and just enjoy the occasion with lots and lots of booze and gambling. Afterall, what is CNY without loud noises and the exchange of money?
Today, I will uphold the tradition that my father taught me. He was taught by his mother. And she was taught by her own mother. So…it has been running in our family for many years. I will pop into the bank later today to exchange for a couple of crispy new 5 pound notes to put into my wallet. New money, new luck.
Happy Chinese New Year to all! And may the Year of the Dog bring good health, lots of wealth and happiness to everyone!
Damn the E word !
Last year this time, I was consoling myself that this will be the second last batch of exams I will ever have to take in my entire life. But…I was so wrong.
Tomorrow is the begining of my first batch of business related exams and I’m all nervous. Not as nervous as I was for law, but I’m nervous as I don’t know what to expect. At least for law, I knew I had to solve problems, lengthy problems. But for business? What do I have to do? Give examples? Define concepts? What??
Sigh.
This better really be the second last batch of exams I will ever need to do in my entire life.
I am officially sick and tired of the damn E word already.
p.s. Vinz is back. That’s one good news in my depressing state of life thanks to E’s.
Tuition teachers who are too dedicated…
My neighbour’s mother back in Malaysia is 77 years old this year. She fell down while getting up from the chair about a month ago. It was a terrible fall. The pain was unbearable. She couldn’t walk for about a week and even after she could walk, the pain was still there. So, my neighbour (who lost her husband to cancer 5 years ago) had to hire an Indonesian maid to help her look after her mother. Auntie called her brother who lives in Birmingham to come back to Malaysia to visit his ailing mother. He came the very next day. She called her sister in KL to come. She came the next day too. But she had to leave the following day…why?
“I have to go back lah. Got tuition to give. Cannot miss.”
Sigh. Her mother is sick. So sick in fact that now she has developed a stomach ulcer. Her stomach bled till she fainted in the toilet and was foaming at the mouth. Yet her daughter in KL refuses to visit her because of her tuition classes.
What a dedicated teacher…but a horrible daughter…
Losing It Again…
It was late Friday night here in UK and it was early Saturday morning in Malaysia. I called home to wish my parents a safe journey to KL. However, they were still in bed at 7.30am! My dad picked up his handphone and said a cracky hello. The moment I heard his voice, I lost it all. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I tried hard to stiffle my sobs. I missed home so much when I heard my dad speaking to me. We hardly ever speak over the phone mainly because I have nothing much to say to him but whenever we do, I am always choked with emotion.
I can’t really remember the last time I missed home. It probably was the time I came back from my Christmas holiday in Malaysia and Singapore 2 years ago. I missed home terribly that I kept telling my mother that I wanted to go home in Easter and not finish my 3rd year here in Nottingham. I even researched online the numerous private colleges in KL which will accept 3rd year law students to continue their degree there. I found a few. I told all these to my mother and she said ok…do what you want to do. But I knew that she didn’t mean it. Of course she wanted to continue with my education. Of course she wanted me to do well and excel. She only said that to comfort me and it worked. She encouraged me to go on a holiday to Europe with my friends. She assured that me I could call her anytime of the day, regardless whether it was morning, noon or night in Malaysia.
And all I could do was blame her. I blamed her for sending me away to boarding school at 17. I blamed her for allowing me to further my studies in the UK. I blamed her for encouraging me to choose to read law. I blamed her for everything in my life that did not go well.
But she did not reprimand me for all the blame. She took it all with stride and said all she wanted was the best for me and she misses me too.
I miss my parents. I miss home. I miss my sister and my nephew. I miss everything at home from my bed to the garden to the piano and every other little thing in the house.
Am I a Case of Sour Grapes?
I watched with interest the interview by The Star with our ex-queen Tuanku Siti Aishah. Throughout the interview, I must say that she gave quite intelligent and diplomatic answers. I always have admiration for people who are able to answer tough and emotionally linked questions on the spot like that. I wonder whether I will ever be as tactful as her and other personalities who have been “grilled” by journalists and interviewers alike.
I guess many people from the outside looking in would gauge her life as glamorous and more than anyone could ask for. Afterall, she has travelled the world and must have been to her favourite holiday destination a trillion times. She surely has a collection of LV’s, Prada’s, Gucci’s and what have you in her large closet of clothes and accessories. But I really really wonder…is she…or was she truly happy throughout that 11 years being a royal consort to a man 46 years her senior?
Only she knows I guess…
Big house…Big car…Big everything…does it really entail happiness?
Sometimes when I question things like this…I find myself being a case of sour grapes. Is it because that I don’t have so many Big’s in my life that I question the happiness of people who have them?
What does it mean to be truly happy?
