Its about time…
Yes, its about time I write something on this blog of mine. I don’t want to be wasting space in this cyber world just because I didn’t have the mood to or the time to record my life and emotions on this weblog.
The past few months have gone by so quickly. I started and finished my dissertation; received my results which I am very pleased with; went to Barcelona for the second time and came back; applied for a zillion jobs and finally got an offer to work part time as a sales assistant in John Lewis to which I am very proud of; went to Cardiff, Bristol, Newport, Gloucester, Cambridge and Bicester with Vinz for work and pleasure; visited beautiful beautiful Salzburg and Vienna last week and now…I am thoroughly enjoying my sales assistant job selling iPods, Creative Zens and PURE radios 🙂
You know…I had a friend telling me that being a sales assistant is a lowly job. Why take it?
I seriously, honestly, from the bottom most of my heart beg to differ.
My near 2 months as a ”lowly sales assistant” in John Lewis has been a tremendous experience for me. I LOVE MY JOB! When I wake up every morning, my heart races as I really want to shout to the world that I am a Partner in John Lewis and I LOVE MY JOB! I utterly love sharing conversations with my customers; asking them about their day and what they want their product for, where they want to place it and whether they have any difficulties handling it due to the small buttons and tiny screen. I learnt so much in the store that staying at home and surfing the internet would not have taught me. I learnt how to communicate with my colleagues, customers and managers. I learnt how to close a sale. I learnt how to build relationships with my customers so well that a customer came in the shop on the day I wasn’t working and only wanted to talk to ”the Chinese girl with an American twang”.
I feel immense satisfaction everytime I close a sale even though I don’t receive any commission for the products I sell. I just LOVE my job!!
Maybe I should just become a sales assistant for the rest of my life then 😛
But mummy says…
”No, girl. You like your job so much because you like to communicate with people. You like to be in the world out there and sharing your thoughts and ideas with people. That is why you like your job so much. Don’t say you like selling. You like communicating.”
I think mummy is right. I like communicating. That is why now I want a job in Corporate Communications or Corporate Affairs. I don’t want to go into boring accounting no matter how prestigious that sounds. I absolutely don’t want to go into law as I don’t like researching and fighting. I want to go into Corporate Communications! I have never felt so passionate about a career path before till I started working with John Lewis. God must have been on my side as He led me to this job and opened an opportunity window for me 🙂
God has also finally opened Vinz’s eyes and ears. He has decided to return to Malaysia with for good come January. It was a tough decision for him but nevertheless, God guided us through it and I am very pleased.
The Art of Happiness at Work
For the past few months, I have been whining to my mother how much I need a job after I graduate. I keep telling her that I NEED a job, not want a job. I call her a few times a week and start off the conversation with…
“Ma..if I don’t get a job when my visa expires, you have to ask your husband to get me one. Any company. Anywhere. I don’t care. Ok?”
Then she’ll say…
“Ok ok. I get my husband, your father to get you one. Any company. Anywhere. You don’t care. Ok?”
I’m so worried that I’ll be an addition to the pool of jobless graduates in Malaysia. I’m so worried that I won’t be able to secure a job, any job, any company, anywhere. Of course when I say any job does not literally mean any job. It means a job suitable for my qualifications and my personality. A job which would bring me some cash, some security and some consolation to my parents; for them to see that their daughter studied for so many years and sucked up all their money not for a reason and for a good reason that is.
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I’m a natural worrier. I worry for nothing and I admit that. I can’t help it but worry, worry and worry. I worry for the slightest things. Deep down I know that I won’t be jobless. I know that I don’t even need to ask my mother’s husband to get me a job because her husband i.e. my father will get me one eventually when he sees me bumming around the house and swatting the flies.
Our conversation always ends up to my mother mentioning this book…
“The Art of Happiness at Work” by His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
She keeps telling me to get my hands on this book, read it and stop reading all those books about Mao and the Chinese Cultural Revolution. My mother knows my temper all too well. I am a fiery, hot tempered woman who will not let anything or anyone who did me wrong to pass me by as if nothing has happend.
But for the past few months, probably since March when she finally finished her first full-length adult book in probably 10 years and narrated to me chapter by chapter the virtues of working in an environment enveloped by politics and more politics, I have finally realised that no, nothing comes my way all the time. In fact, I have to please people before people can please me. I have to be accomodating and diplomatic. I have to be tactful. I can’t just tell someone to shut up just because he or she said something that I didn’t like ten times in a row. Just because my boss hates me, doesn’t mean I have to hate him. He may have had a bad day. His wife may be have been threatening a divorce. His children may have been disobedient the night before. Who knows? Patience is a virtue, my dear mother tells me.
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“Don’t blow your top all the time, girl. Must always give and take. Let them say what they want to say. You don’t like it, never mind. No need to tell people off. No need to go shut your ears and eyes. The Dalai Lama said everyone is entitled to their own comments. Always take it with a pinch of salt. The workplace will be more pleasant if you give and take.”
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Yes, mum. I know. I am trying to change and I can see some visible progress. Remember the last time I told you about my classmate who refused to do her part of the project and passed it on to me? I nearly wanted to scream and shout at her like I would have if you didn’t tell me about the Dalai Lama book. Instead, I kept my cool and explained to her. I showed a bit of my face but I held it back and put on a smiling more accomodating face and everything was alright.
Although this is not a work situation, it is akin to one. Next time I know, if someone says something that I don’t like, I take it with a pinch of salt. I won’t tell him or her shut her trap or close my ears or eyes in front of her. That is an action of a childish spoilt brat who thinks that whole world owes him or her a living. I will handle it diplomatically. I will politely say that I disagree and I will try to change the topic to something less sensitive.
Thanks ma for reading that book on my behalf and narrating every chapter so patiently to me. I have learnt so much from that. And yes, I will get my hands on that book and stop reading so much about Mao. But you can’t deny my passion for Mao and the Revolution. Same that I can’t deny you your Bloomberg and your grandchildren. 🙂
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So yeah… I may have a wonderful CV, coloured with a 2nd upper in Law, a Master’s degree, best achiever in every stage of my education and numerous extra curricular activities but what kind of worker am I if I can’t maintain a friendly relationship with my colleagues due to me being so hot-blooded? What kind of worker am I if I can’t even hold diplomatic conversations with my peers? How am I to withstand office politics and criticisms from my book if I can’t even take criticisms from my classmates and friends?
Ma…I will always remember what you said…
“Patience is a virtue, girl…”
A night to remember…
Last night was a very memorable night. Two of Vinz’s closest friends, Joe and Winkie held their farewell party. I am not particularly close to the both of them but throughout this one year and a half, I’ve talked to them so many times, had house parties, dinners, drinking sessions and even two holidays (one in Rome and another in Barcelona). I felt particularly sad that they are leaving for Singapore for good. Both Joe and Winkie have been such good friends. They took me out for dinners and invited me to their house when Vinz was back in Malaysia. They always sent us home after a late night out. The couples’ generosity can never be surpassed by any of my own other friends.
Winkie is always full of smiles, enthusiasm and she is very down to earth. Joe is always very diplomatic. From the both of them, I learnt that no matter how much a person did bad to you, you just continue to live on and not show it in his or her face because at the end of the day, the person who did bad to you will be moved by your kindness and forgiveness.
They may have their weaknesses and we have seen them through and through but which human is without flaws?
They will be leaving in two weeks and we’ll be meeting up for dinner again the Friday before they leave. Vinz and I told them that we will send them off at the bus station where they will board the National Express coach for the last time in a long time for Heathrow airport. I expect the farewell to be a teary and emotional one. I have always regarded Winkie to be my big sister although I have never publicly acknowledged it. She will definitely be dearly missed by me…
I wish them all the best in their future endevours and I hope that we will meet again in Singapore…hopefully for their wedding? 🙂
A cocktail of thoughts…
There are so many things I want to write, so many emotions clogged up inside me waiting to be released. But I can't seem to put feelings to words nowadays.
Friends leaving…
One by one, friends are leaving this country which we called "home" for the past 4, 5 and even 6 years. Has this country stopped offering what it promised to offer? What is there over the oceans that attract us to uproot ourselves from this land of "equal opportunities" and guaranteed "diversity policies"?
I can't bear to leave…
Why was it easier to pack up and leave our real home than it is packing up our life for the past half a decade here?
Why didn't we say…
"Aiya…so many memories. So used to life here already…"
when we packed our life into two suitcases and bade goodbye to family and friends at KLIA?
I'm growing old…
Has age caught up on me? I used to be pretty energetic till wee hours in the morning; either chit chatting with a group of friends over glasses of wine or just playing rounds and rounds of poker again with glasses filled with red or white liquid. But now…the maximum I can endure is 1am. Have I really aged?
I used to love watching movies (downloaded ones) on the bed with Vinz at night. But once the movie hits the middle, I'm fast asleep on his shoulder. Am I really growing old?
Now I just prefer reading a good book, sipping a cup of hot tea with legs stretched on my bed…
Feeling like a social outcast…
How do you fit in with a bunch of people you haven't met in your life at someone's birthday party? You don't even know the birthday girl what more her friends who look like they have been through life more than you have? Do you stuff your face with food and gulp down the free booze or do you try and chip into someone's conversation and blend in? What if your mood wasn't particularly good that day after a horendously hot summer afternoon walking on the streets of London and you were dragged by your other half to his friend's party…a friend whom he hasn't met in the last 3 years? Would you still stuff your face with free food or attempt to blend in or just sulk and dig your long and sharp nails into his skin, expressing your anger and frustration?
I did the last. I felt like a social outcast. Everyone was older, the birthday girl seemed too friendly for my liking, her boyfriend was the total opposite which irked me as well, the crowd was superficial; with their fake smiles and flimsy handshakes. I sat at a bench overlooking the Thames, sipping my lemonade and occasionally signalling to Vinz that I'm ready to leave this place anytime.
Why did I feel that way? I've always been able to blend in and be one of those superficial people. Laugh when the joke is funny. Be diplomatic when the time calls for it. Drink what the crowd drinks. Eat what they eat. Pretend the food is good but bitch about the people and the food later.
Maybe I've grown out of this phase. Or maybe I wasn't in the mood to socialise. I don't know.
My take on International Schools
When I read the news that Malaysia's Education Ministry has allowed locals to enrol into International Schools, I smiled. Finally, after so many years, our government has waved the green light in favour of parents' who want more choices for their children. I agree with many that this may drive a wedge between the upper middle class and the average income population but I also agree that with the rise in consumerism, we Malaysians should ought to be given more choice in the education system that our children are to be educated in.
I've been in the National Stream since I was in Primary School. I knew nothing about the other overseas curriculum other children who allowed to, can opt for. I thought it was the curriculum available and thus it was the best. However, after completing my mandatory 11 years in the National Stream, my parents decided that it is time to enrol me into an International School to pursue my A-Levels. The school that I went to had students from Form 1 to Upper 6 in the International Stream. I thoroughly enjoyed the learning environment there. Classes were small, teachers were dedicated and there were no qualms for speaking up in class. We were rewarded not by the number of A's we obtained in a test, but instead we given credit for the amount of effort we put in during class time and assignments. A student may have got a 4 (indicating the lowest grade i.e. a D) for the monthly test but a 1 or 2 (indicating an A or B) for the effort made to improve ourselves. Students were encouraged to strive for improvement and there were plenty of space for us to show our talent in whichever field we fancy.
Drama and public speaking were a big thing in school then. They were designed to boost our confidence and language skills. Many students took part in the schools' annual drama production. Tip-top sports facilities were offered in the school. Again, students were encouraged pick two sports for the whole term. Music and art appreciation were also the many things that students were taught in the school. There were also a wide variety of books and magazines in the school library. Nothing was too controversial for the students. I remember recommending "Memoirs of a Geisha" to my National School in Form 5. My teacher said no. It was too much for our students' minds. But nothing of this sort happend in the international school. It was very open and students could read and even recommend reading material to the librarian who will then order the book recommended.
The fees were expensive. It was RM33000 a year including of boarding during my time. I think it has now increased to about RM38000 or maybe more. Not all parents can afford it and I was lucky that my parents could.
I learnt so much in that school. I learnt confidence (something which I sorely lacked before). I learnt that there is so much more to learning that memorising facts. I mixed freely with students from different parts of the world. The teachers never told me to ask my tuition teacher for answers to questions that I didn't know, unlike my chemistry teacher in National School. Teachers were more like friends than authority figures. And because of the small community (about 500 students), everyone knew everyone.
So…my take on International Schools? I believe they truly provide an all round education. Not that I didn't have a good education in the National School that I attended, but I felt restricted compared to the International School environment. My parents also felt the same. They said that I was no longer shy and was able to speak up and be more confident. They agreed that the price was well worth it.
If I become a parent and if I can afford the fees, I will definitely have no qualms about sending them to an International School in their secondary years. Primary school should be spent in a National School so that they can understand, appreciate and value the difference.
What is your take??
Running my last mile…
I am running my last mile tomorrow; my last mile as a postgraduate. Its my last exam tomorrow. No more memorising notes, highlighting them, circling and recircling key words, sleepless nights, guilty TV watching and stolen naps. At 11am tomorrow, I will be a free person. Free to do what I want to do and free to embark on the research for my dissertation. Can’t wait for it to start!!
I decided to sign up to be a newspaper delivery girl for my neighbourhood. I have 378 newspapers to deliver from Wednesday evening till Friday morning. I am paid 9.10pounds. Its peanuts really. I can’t even eat a decent dinner anywhere outside for that kind of money but it is the exercise that I am looking forward too. I have been feeling like a lump of fat since the begining of the Easter holidays. All the Krispy Kreme that Vinz got from Birmingham does not help either. So…I hope this newspaper thingy gives me the dose of exercise that I badly need to get back in shape!
A walk down memory lane again…
It was a lonely night wtihout Vinz around. The house was so quiet I could hear a pin drop on the carpet. I buried my head into my books and journals till wee hours of the morning. Then I decided to give my old friend from college, Ying, a call. We had a good time chatting for nearly 30 minutes when she had to hang up and get ready for work. I really miss Ying. It was always the 3 of us, Ying, Hilda and I. The trio whom KTJ students especially the boys named ”The 3 bitches”. Not proud to be named as one but that was how close we were. We ate, we studied, we went for classes, heck…sometimes we even camped in each other’s bed together. Ohhh how I miss those days!!
It has been 4 years since we left college but we still keep in touch via phone and MSN and it is so good to know that our friendship has stood the test of time. We talked about how we hated each others’ guts when we first stepped into Jawahir House. Thanks to our housemistress who realised how much we hated each other, we became close friends…the inseperable trio. She made the three of us work together on the college’s Open Day project. We were to be in charge of the decorations of house’s booth, the face painting activities and the balloon blowing. Heh…I remembered that we put two big balloons over our purple house t-shirt and we kept laughing and laughing as it looked so much like one of our Mat Salleh teacher in school 😛
We talked about how our lives have changed since we left college. We talked about the string of boyfriends we had since then. We talked about our future. We talked about how different our thinking has become now when compared to our college days.
We still had the girly laughters. We still teased each others’ funny moments in college like how Ying sat on a bowl of duck flavoured instant noodles and we had to eat it even though we just ate one 5 minutes ago. We laughed at Brian McKnight’s ”Back at One”, the hockey stick, umbrella and the sound of crashing plates.
I miss Ying and Hilda. I miss our carefree life in college. We were three of a kind…the nerd, the street wise and the emotional.
We ended our conversation with….see you’s and take care’s, wondering when will the ‘see you’ bit materialise…
An Open Letter
An open letter to my dear friend…
Dear friend,
I know that sometimes you do come visit my blog and leave an occasional comment or two; that is the reason why I’m writing you this open letter. I know from your blog that you have decided to let go of a two year long distance relationship. You are so brave to let it go and maintain an open mind. I am sure that it must have hurt you so much to come to this conclusion but you were brave enough to make this step. There are many things in life that we cannot predict. There are many things in life that we want so much to happen but by twists of fates, it never happends.
When I look back at my own LDR nearly two years ago, I realise now how cowardly I was. There were no more sparks; no more chemistry; just cold calls and forced dedications of love. I was trying to window dress a relationship that was beyond any dressing up. No matter how much powder I tried to cover the bumps and bruises, the internal injury never healed. I thought I could be brave when the plug was pulled but again I was cowardly. I chose to hide behind the fact that the life of the relationship could be saved and revived again. I chose to open the doors to opportunities that never existed. It was a dark and lonely road for me. No one held my hand and showed me the way. No one said that everything would be ok. No one offered their shoulder for me to cry on because I kept on putting a facade; a facade that I have been putting on my entire life. I carried a face of strength, confidence and optimism. I never wanted to lose. I always wanted to win. The thought of losing irks me. The thought of winning spurred more facades.
I am proud of you my friend. You have chosen to end something which has stopped growing. Maybe this is the winter of your relationship. Maybe spring will come again for you. Or maybe this winter will last forever and ever. Like you said, maybe one day your paths may cross again. One can never know…only time will tell. But for now my friend…grieve if you want to. Don’t bury your hurt under a million blankets. Don’t be like me. Don’t put on facades. I am always here to be your listening ear and your shoulder to cry on if you need any…
Time for little update…
My poor blog has been left neglected for more than a month. So many things happend and so many things to tell. The holidays came and are nearly ending. The assignments piled up but were knocked down one by one diligently by me. The studying and revising are slowly building up but with faith I shall overcome it too. The assessment centre brought insights to myself that I never knew I had but at the end dampend my spirits and made me doubt my own abilities for a while. Nevertheless…I trudge on. I keep trudging. I complain. I do. I complain and I did. That’s how my life has been in a nutshell for the past month.
Every night the thought of leaving this country and not being able to see the tulips grow again next spring worries and scares me. I was once so ready to be a patriotic Malaysian; to return to my homeland and contribute to our budding economy. But now…I long for the days to be longer. I long winter again. I lament at the ending of spring and the coming of summer for I know that my time here, in this country, in this country which I curse everyday is to be up soon. My job hunting here has not bore any fruit. But like a farmer harvesting nothing, I keep hoping and keep trying. Maybe one day I will harvest not nothing but something…..
We Have Come a Long Long Way…
5 years ago, I left my comfort zone. I left the only school that I have ever known. The primary and secondary section of the school are just across the road from each other. I made lots of friends, friendships that I thought will last a lifetime; friendships I thought will remain even after I left my sanctuary. Alas…it never happend. We still do keep in touch every now and then but the feeling is not the same anymore. Oh well..I guess people just move on…
5 years ago, I entered another comfort zone. It was only a short lived moment but it was a great experience and I made lots of good friends. Again, we promised each other that we will be friends for life; we will send each other pink “summons” when the time comes and will be godma’s for the offspring that we bear; we will share every secret, every gossip, every mundane detail in our lives even though we are seperated by the sea and land. Yet, we failed. Or maybe I failed in fulfilling our promises. I don’t know.
But thanks to the advancement of technology like MSN, Blogs, Friendster and Yahoo Groups, we need not speak to each other or meet face to face to know that the people who once shared our lives are doing well.
We have come a long way. Now, most of us are 23 this year and 23 is the age where school is out for most. Some have gone on to pursue their dream jobs, some have remained in University (like yours truly), some have returned home and started jobs which they hardly enjoy and some have tied the knot and have babies to care for.
A friend whom I know would never give up anything for anything related to technology wrote this on his blog…
“With cash coming in every month, I’m saving up for more important things now.”
The second part of his sentence, “I’m saving up for more important things now” made me realise that yes, we have come a long long way. Our priorities have changed. It is time for us to really act and behave like mature young adults. It is time for us to set aside our selfish desires to build a bright future, not just for ourselves but for our life partner and our offspring.
The Angelic Grace 